Five Things My Father Taught Me

           

It is said that actions speak louder than words.  That always reminds me of my father.  He was a thinker and a talker, but more importantly he saw things that needed doing and got them done.  While I remember many things he said to me, I remember more importantly the lessons learned by watching how he lived his life.

1.     Family Matters.  We are born into families that nurture and sustain us and we create families which we are responsible to nurture and sustain.  These ties of blood and commitment demand much of us and give much in return.  They are ours to foster, ours in which to find ourselves, make mistakes within and in which we will forgive trespasses and debts accrued.  We owe our family  honesty which might cause us to argue among ourselves.   Honest disagreement is healthy.  We will, however, defend one another against any pain and suffering to the best of our ability.  I saw all those tenets played out as I watched my father interact with both his family and my mother's family.  He spoke his mind in all cases, whether it was comfortable for others or not.  They all also knew that he would open our home to them with warmth and give them the proverbial "shirt off his back" in support of them when needed.

2.     True Friends are Extended Family.  Daddy grew up as an only child, thus appreciated the value of friendships.  We kids heard stories about friends throughout his life with whom he shared adventures as well as the simple pleasures of debate when they were serious and partying when they were having fun.  Some of my earliest memories are those in which I saw my parents playing canasta with friends or heard my father talking with visiting friends late into the night.  He was a friend of many years with the principal of my elementary school, too.  That was a relationship that probably kept me out of trouble as I knew any transgression on my part during the school day would be communicated to Daddy quickly.

3.    Our Community is Our Responsibility.  If something needed to be done, Daddy didn't wait for someone else to volunteer. He often worked nights, so he had days free.  I know he slept, but in retrospect I'm not sure when he had time.  He volunteered with first the Cub Scouts and then the Boy Scouts from the time my brother became a scout till long after my brother was grown and out of the house.  Scouting was a passion of Daddy's.  He loved the outdoors and liked introducing kids to it.  As he did with his own kids, he did with the scouts.  Late in his life, Daddy volunteered with a scout troop of special needs kids, an experience that touched him deeply.  He was a also mainstay of the PTA's in our schools, loved running the fundraisers, cooking the hamburgers and hot dogs on a grill and playing host.  That was just an extension of neighborhood gatherings that were a part of our lives back then.

4.    We are Our Brother's Keepers.  Daddy was only partially a product of his time. Born into the segregated South early in the 20th century, Daddy believed in "separate but equal" but had no tolerance for the idea that any human was less than another. He occasionally  took the initiative to speak quietly on behalf of those whose voices were not being heard, intervening when he could offer a solution that would make a difference.  For a man with a sometimes bombastic personality, he worked on behalf of others without fanfare.  He did not claim to be an perfect man, nor was he.  He just did what needed to be done.  We were far from wealthy, but he could always find a few dollars for someone who needed it more than we did. 

5.     Life Itself is a Gift.  Daddy was not a religious man, but had a certainty in his unique beliefs that was deep and thoughtful.  Illness made him leave college after only a few months, but he educated himself throughout his life.  He read widely and loved history, geography and philosophy.  He was fascinated with "what makes us tick," from how our minds work to what natural remedies might "heal what ails us." My impression is that all those interests fueled a sense that he belonged uniquely in this world created by what he referred to as "our Maker," that he was living a life of discovery, not so much to explore the broader world, but to examine the world within his reach with curiosity and reverence.  He seemed always to be searching, reaching for that next sight or sound or breeze that comes to remind us that we are alive and it is good.  Behind those very blue eyes was a being in touch with his world.

            On this Father's Day in 2015, I appreciate my great good fortune in the father to whom I was born, who nurtured and sustained me for the years he was given on this earth.  He was honest enough to understand his own shortcomings, but played to his strengths most often.  He encouraged his children to be true to ourselves and strive to make that truth positive and meaningful in whatever ways we could.  As we celebrate this day I am thankful for my husband who is a father to our son, for all those I know to be loving fathers -- and I remember Daddy.  I am inspired anew by all of them to celebrate the good in all of us.