It is said that actions speak louder
than words. That always reminds me of my
father. He was a thinker and a talker,
but more importantly he saw things that needed doing and got them done. While I remember many things he said to me, I
remember more importantly the lessons learned by watching how he lived his
life.
1.
Family
Matters. We are
born into families that nurture and sustain us and we create families which we
are responsible to nurture and sustain.
These ties of blood and commitment demand much of us and give much in
return. They are ours to foster, ours in
which to find ourselves, make mistakes within and in which we will forgive
trespasses and debts accrued. We owe our
family honesty which might cause us to argue
among ourselves. Honest disagreement is healthy. We will, however, defend one another against
any pain and suffering to the best of our ability. I saw all those tenets played out as I
watched my father interact with both his family and my mother's family. He spoke his mind in all cases, whether it
was comfortable for others or not. They
all also knew that he would open our home to them with warmth and give them the
proverbial "shirt off his back" in support of them when needed.
2.
True
Friends are Extended Family. Daddy grew up as an only child, thus
appreciated the value of friendships. We
kids heard stories about friends throughout his life with whom he shared
adventures as well as the simple pleasures of debate when they were serious and
partying when they were having fun. Some
of my earliest memories are those in which I saw my parents playing canasta
with friends or heard my father talking with visiting friends late into the
night. He was a friend of many years
with the principal of my elementary school, too. That was a relationship that probably kept me
out of trouble as I knew any transgression on my part during the school day
would be communicated to Daddy quickly.
3. Our
Community is Our Responsibility. If something needed to be done, Daddy didn't
wait for someone else to volunteer. He often worked nights, so he had days
free. I know he slept, but in retrospect
I'm not sure when he had time. He
volunteered with first the Cub Scouts and then the Boy Scouts from the time my
brother became a scout till long after my brother was grown and out of the
house. Scouting was a passion of
Daddy's. He loved the outdoors and liked
introducing kids to it. As he did with
his own kids, he did with the scouts.
Late in his life, Daddy volunteered with a scout troop of special needs
kids, an experience that touched him deeply.
He was a also mainstay of the PTA's in our schools, loved running the
fundraisers, cooking the hamburgers and hot dogs on a grill and playing host. That was just an extension of neighborhood
gatherings that were a part of our lives back then.
4. We are
Our Brother's Keepers. Daddy was
only partially a product of his time. Born into the segregated South early in
the 20th century, Daddy believed in "separate but equal" but had no
tolerance for the idea that any human was less than another. He
occasionally took the initiative to
speak quietly on behalf of those whose voices were not being heard, intervening
when he could offer a solution that would make a difference. For a man with a sometimes bombastic
personality, he worked on behalf of others without fanfare. He did not claim to be an perfect man, nor
was he. He just did what needed to be
done. We were far from wealthy, but he
could always find a few dollars for someone who needed it more than we
did.
5.
Life
Itself is a Gift. Daddy
was not a religious man, but had a certainty in his unique beliefs that was
deep and thoughtful. Illness made him
leave college after only a few months, but he educated himself throughout his
life. He read widely and loved history,
geography and philosophy. He was
fascinated with "what makes us tick," from how our minds work to what
natural remedies might "heal what ails us." My impression is that all
those interests fueled a sense that he belonged uniquely in this world created
by what he referred to as "our Maker," that he was living a life of
discovery, not so much to explore the broader world, but to examine the world
within his reach with curiosity and reverence.
He seemed always to be searching, reaching for that next sight or sound
or breeze that comes to remind us that we are alive and it is good. Behind those very blue eyes was a being in
touch with his world.
On this Father's Day in 2015, I
appreciate my great good fortune in the father to whom I was born, who nurtured
and sustained me for the years he was given on this earth. He was honest enough to understand his own
shortcomings, but played to his strengths most often. He encouraged his children to be true to
ourselves and strive to make that truth positive and meaningful in whatever
ways we could. As we celebrate this day
I am thankful for my husband who is a father to our son, for all those I know
to be loving fathers -- and I remember Daddy.
I am inspired anew by all of them to celebrate the good in all of us.
