The Sweet Connection of Friends

Lunch yesterday with good friends reminded me how lucky I’ve been through my life with friendships. As we shared our thoughts and plans and dreams over fresh-baked bread, surrounded by the sights and smells of bakery delights, we laughed together and refueled our souls.


My earliest memory is of a little friend in Tampa. She was called “Bessa Dee Dee,” an appellation I’ve not heard since (nor ever been sure how to spell). I was only about three at the time, so my memory is sketchy at best. What I do remember is that the bond was powerful enough to cause me to sneak out of our house and cross a busy street to go to her house one day. My Mama swatted my bottom all the way home as she repeatedly said “don’t ever do that again.” It made an impression on me that has distinctly lasted.

Then there’s my friend, Ada, with whom I spent hours and days, playing after school, sharing our homes so that our parents saw each of us as a part-time addition to the family. A famous diary entry of those elementary school years was: “Dug ants.” I’m not sure now whether that was in my diary or hers, but I can still see the fat cursive letters spelling out those words.

I also remember so many games we played, calling on our collaborative imaginations to create scenes of brave princesses and bold knights warding off the threats of evil kings and sorcerers. Interspersed with the fantasies were giggle fests and those famous walks home where we would take turns walking each other halfway. It’s a wonder we ever arrived anywhere. Now, so many years later, we are in touch, at least by email and holiday cards. While not as close as we were as children, I care deeply that she’s okay and give her credit for showing me the value of friendship that would resonate through my life.

Undoubtedly the best teacher I had in the school of friendship was my sister, Pat. Six years older and so much wiser than I am still today, she took me under her wing from my first day on Earth and hasn’t let go since. Always more than a sister, she’s been a presence throughout my life. Her fierce spirit has strengthened me, as her enduring love has protected me.

Perhaps the best lesson Pat has given me is that friendship isn’t about bonding with someone who is like us, but rather it’s about bonding with those who might appear to be quite different, but, in fact, care about some of the basis concepts we embrace. For instance, we may not share political views, but if we care deeply about people and animals, we can be friends forever. Religious beliefs may sharply diverge, but loving hearts accept those differences and friendship prevails. We may fail to meet one another’s expectations from time to time, but if we’re loyal to one another, we forgive and even forget those failings.

And so I cherish the friends of yesterday’s lunch and the friends with whom I spend time occasionally, but not as often as I’d like. Just thinking of them and seeing their faces in my mind reminds me how fortunate I’ve been to know them. I am grateful every minute for these relationships with both women and men, these connections that make me smile for their goodness and humor, make me cry for their hurt and sorrow. I am most especially grateful for the way in which they challenge me, although sometimes it takes time to absorb the blows and process the wisdom.

My understanding of friendship has deepened my family relationships, too. I consider my husband, Mike, my best friend. We’ve shared our lives for more than 27 years and still turn to each other each day with laughter and support. Our son, Michael, is both the child of our hearts and a cherished friend and companion. And now, his fiancée, Heather, has brought her joy of life into our circle of friends, along with her family. And so, the circle grows, embracing us all.

To paraphrase lyrics from a song I like, friends are those who know who you are and who you are not. They also know who you want to be. There is, I think, a sort of radar we have for that thing within us that connects us. It’s that sweet connection that signals we are--and will ever be--friends.