Musing on Spring and Marriage

           

Daffodils symbolize new beginnings

         Spring is a time of beginnings, a season of renewals and a time when engagements are announced and the traditional wedding season begins.  This year is no exception within our circle of friends as a dearly-loved and unofficially adopted son shares his happiness that his girlfriend said "yes." A newer friend, marrying for the first time just after she retires is preparing for a May wedding.  Our son and his wife are soon headed for Texas for a friend's wedding.  And so it goes, the daffodils and crocuses rise from the earth with new beginnings, new commitments are made, new partnerships begun.

            So I find myself reflecting on my own marriage of more than 31 years.  It was somewhat

daunting to be asked by our bride-to-be friend to share those things that I think have made our partnership happiest.  We're flawed humans, after all.  Ours is a good marriage, but I hesitate to offer anything that might be construed as advice on the subject of marriage.

            Because she asked, I thought about what I would say.  The first thing that comes to mind is laughter.  Mike and I make each other laugh every day.  While we see the world differently in many instances, our senses of humor drew us to one another at the beginning and we continue to find mutual amusement again and again.  From chuckles to chortles, silly giggles to belly laughs that leave us gasping for breath, laughter is definitely a hallmark for us.

            The other thing that makes our marriage happy is the simple joy of sharing.  Ours is, in word and deed, a partnership.  We became a family like the families we were fortunate enough to be nurtured by.  Our parents partnered, working both at home and in their jobs to provide for the family.  They found ways to support each other through "thick and thin," as the saying goes.  They set examples that we have followed .  I am grateful to them every day for the role models they were.

            Sharing includes voicing our thoughts honestly and as kindly as we can muster. Sure, we have those moments and days when we are not happy with one another for some reason.  There are angry and ill-conceived words occasionally.  We share a faith that we will work through the downtimes because we can't picture life without each other.  It's as if we have always been family, so there is no question that we will be family as long as we are alive.  We grouse sometimes, tease about leaving or even shooting one another, but we know that we are not serious.  That, too, is a part of our shared humor, playing the "Bickersons" from time to time.

            However familial we are, we remain thoughtful about showing gratitude.  When he cooks, I thank him.  When I do the laundry, he thanks me.  It's a little habit, now ingrained, that I didn't even consciously notice until a friend pointed it out, surprised that we do that after all these years together.  It's a way of not taking anything for granted.  It's pretty easy in a long relationship to let one's partner feel unappreciated for doing the routine things.  We've found it's just as easy to protect the give and take of daily life by acknowledging it. 

            Not least in those assets that keep us moving forward is the fortunate circle of family and friends who support and encourage us.  Their contributions range from being the shoulders we lean on in times of trouble to the loving hands we hold in times of joy and celebration.  Like seeds that fall in fertile ground, our lives are enriched by those we hold dear.

            As we've grown older, we've continued to learn how to be together, while each maintains a comfortable independence.  We will be learning as long as we are together, as years bring new opportunities and new challenges.  As one of our friends complained recently, these should not necessarily be called the "Golden Years," but maybe better named the "Medical Years."  We will hope that love and patience will counter any pain and frustration that comes.

           

A final, but important ingredient is that we are lucky in love.  When we first met, I would not have bet a dollar that we would fall in love and marry and stay together for decades.  I had a failed marriage behind me and a toddler to raise.  Mike was a 33-year old bachelor.  We were strong-willed, opinionated and independent characters, some might say brash and mule-headed at times.  We were also friends who had mutual respect for each other.

            When love came it came because we wanted what we have had through these years -- a partnership of equals and a family to nurture, love and protect for the rest of our lives.  The luck was in the timing that found us in the same place at the same time.  It turned out to be the right place and the right time for us to start our family life together. 

            On our 25th wedding anniversary, our son, Michael, and the amazing woman who is now

his wife, Heather, presented us with a book of photos chronicling our married life till then.  Michael's beautiful  dedication on the first page , included this:  "...you taught me that true love is alive and well through compromise, consistency, trust and unselfishness.  Romance can take on many forms in the real world, but your story is getting what every fictional one deserves...a happy ending."

            We fall short too often of living up to his words.  But we blush with pride in the man he has become.  I smile with each memory that our family has made together and look forward to those we've yet to make before an ending that I hope is many, many years in the future.  And as I conclude, I must say thank you to our friend, Alice, for asking the question that prompted me to remember and pay tribute to my good fortune.