Remembering a Special Father

I’ve been lucky so often in life, never more so than when I married my husband who has been our son’s father, steady and true for almost 30 years. I often say that Mike married me so that he could be Michael’s father. When Mike and I married, Michael stood snuggled between us and told everyone at the wedding that “we got married today.”

In marrying the father our son has relied upon for all the years since, I got a very special father-in-law. Father Hayward and son Mike looked so much alike that anyone who knew either of them could be sure of their relationship without being introduced to the other. Not only did they have the physical resemblance, but they shared the same devilish sense of humor.

My name for Hayward Lumpkin was “Wayward” because of his constant effort to slyly mislead and misdirect all who came his way. A career in the military had not changed his sense of fun. A World War II veteran who had surely seen much that he would never forget, he never brought darkness to those around him, instead lighting the room with the twinkle in his eye.

One of my fondest memories of “Pappy,” as the grandchildren called him, was at a lake in Alabama where he spent an afternoon fishing with Michael. The two of them were thick as thieves from the moment they met, sharing hours and days of loving camaraderie. Their time as fishing friends was something both treasured. The photograph of that day is one of our favorites.

Occasionally when Mike and I had to be away from home, Pappy eagerly volunteered to come to stay with Michael. He loved to take our little one to Shoney’s where kids ate free. Pappy enjoyed the amazement the staff expressed as Michael turned up again and again to refill his plate at the buffet. He was the proverbial “bottomless pit” and Pappy claimed that Michael might single-handedly put them out of business. Pappy prided himself on pinching his pennies and sought bargains wherever they were to be found.

Pappy and the love of his life, Willie Mae, raised three wonderful children, encouraging them to learn and pursue higher education. They glowed with pride in each child and in the grandchildren who followed. They embraced me as a daughter-in-law, as they did their sons-in-law. They welcomed friends and family into their home and even went out of their way to help an elderly couple with a myriad of needs from driving them to doctor visits to helping them pay their bills.

I miss Pappy and will for the rest of my life. Like my father, he was a source of strength and joy. He encouraged me to be myself, even when my unorthodox approach to playing as his bridge partner occasionally baffled him and caused us to lose. He was an excellent card player and played to win, but indulged my rebelliousness, perhaps because he recognized my individuality as he prized his own.

I am much blessed this Father’s Day. It has been my great good fortune to know the love of father and father-in-law and to see that shared with our son. I am gifted with the love of my husband, a good father himself. As my son said to me recently, “I look forward to having children who know Dad because I think he will be the kind of grandfather to them that Pappy was to me.” I can’t imagine higher praise.





Ma. Mike, Linda, Ramona, Hayward